


Homograph

by AlulaSpeaks



Series: Wincestmas 2017 [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Implied Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Pre-Stanford
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 22:52:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13727688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlulaSpeaks/pseuds/AlulaSpeaks
Summary: Dean finds Sam's Stanford acceptance letter. Sam can't seem to make himself understood.





	Homograph

**Author's Note:**

  * For [StripySock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StripySock/gifts).



> A little blurb written for Wincestmas 2017.

Sam’s heart is racing, pounding against the wall of his ribs, as desperate to get out as the rest of him. He can’t see Dean’s face over the impenetrable mountain of his curled shoulders, but he can see the envelope on the kitchen table and the letterhead clutched in Dean’s hand.

Sam’s bag falls from his numb fingers. He never meant for Dean to find out this way. The paper snaps when Dean waves it. He won’t look at Sam.

“Are you going?” he asks, loud enough for Sam to hear it, but quiet enough to hide what he’s feeling. Careful, so careful even though his knuckles are bloodless white.

“Yes,” Sam says, voice dying out in a hoarse croak, choking on the  _ you can come with me  _ that he’s desperate to say.

Dean’s head tips back and he stares at the ceiling, swallows loud in the silence that drags out the seconds into agonizing years of waiting. Until Sam thinks he might scream.

“Full ride,” Dean says, turning to face Sam, voice cracking, and Sam’s throat aches. “That’s something, Sammy.”

Dean’s face is schooled into neutral planes, but Sam’s known it his whole life. He can see the hurt right there in the corner of Dean’s eyes.

Sam takes a step forward, reaching for Dean’s arm.  _ Please, come with me _ . He’s always wanted it. The both of them, somewhere far away from the monsters and the fear and the pain. A hundred scenarios float through his mind, soft and sweet as feathers on a breeze. Dean with grease stained hands, laughing as Sam burns Ramen on a hot plate. Dean becoming a fireman. Saving lives. Still being a hero. They could do it, together. They could. 

And the other things that flit through Sam’s mind, the press of Dean’s hand against the small of Sam’s back, the rush of his breath against the shell Sam’s ear, the shine of his teeth in the dark. Sam can live without those, would never ask for them, if he can just have the rest. If he could only say it.  _ Come with me. _

Dean’s watching him, eyes bright, expectant. Something stretching golden and taut between them.

“C-” Sam starts, but the door flies open and John steps through, tosses his duffel in the corner. 

“Dad,” Dean says on a shuddering gust of breath that blows Sam’s dreams right from his hands.

Sam watches his Dad’s sharp eyes flick between the stubborn set of Sam’s jaw, the guilty twist of Dean’s mouth, and down to the acceptance letter right there in Dean’s hands. Time slows to a crawl and Sam looks away. His Dad’s shadow stretches across the floor, filling up the room. It’s bigger than life, bigger than Sam will ever be.

There’s a choice here that has to be made. Sam could force the choice into Dean’s hands, make him live with it. But Sam knows the answer already and it would be cruel to make Dean say it out loud. When Sam meets his Dad’s eyes, his own are hard and angry. The helplessness of a claustrophobic and lonely life coiled up and ready to strike out.

The explosion, when it happens, is long and loud and changes the landscape of Sam’s whole world.

“What’s so wrong with wanting to be normal?” Sam shouts, not five minutes later, and watches Dean flinch. His eyes go cold and Sam knows that he’s lost him.  
  
It will take Sam years to figure why Dean never understood why he had to go. To understand that when Sam said  _normal_  Dean heard  _ not like you _ when Sam only ever meant  _ safe. _ Sam had wanted that for both of them. Safety. But he never asked, and now they’ll never have it.


End file.
